you know it was over before it began.

Countdown has begun. Officially 5 months and 26 days to go… Graduation. Cliché to say it is one of those exciting/terrifying/confusing/exhilarating anticipated moments. It is though. The complicated part involves determining which fractions of my past deserve being ended while my multiple new beginnings set to blossom soon. This is further complicated by having what seems like EVERYONE ask you what field I am going to go into once I’ve graduated and passed my boards.

For a while I was concerned because every rotation I entered left me with the feeling of “Wow, I could do this, too.” I was warned by multiple advisors and professors that I would most likely find myself in that situation; the situation of enjoying and being good at several fields, while finding it difficult to determine which was truly calling to me as a possible profession.

Fortunately, I do not think that will be the case for me. I finally had my true “AHA” moment. The trick is now to align my “AHA” moment with reality… find a nice, competent surgeon who needs a PA. Let’s make it happen (lol).

With that being said, I can comfortably say my life is full. Family, friends, future… all the good F words (haha).

Finality. My new “F” word.

I’m a long-time offender when it comes to cutting people off and removing them from my life the second they disappointed, betrayed, or abandoned me. That resulted in the most sincere form of finality I knew. My new offense is not cutting people off as soon as I should. It is a complicated turn of events. I find myself lending more space for mistakes, more opportunities to injure me emotionally. Trust is very difficult to give; consequently, I now find it much more difficult to recover from those to whom I have given it.

I try to live my life with as little amount of “grey area” as possible. My new mantra is to not allow any relationships exist in that grey area either… I think this will be for the best. <3

I’m not here for your entertainment; you don’t really wanna mess with me tonight…

You know it was over before it began… -- Pink.

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updated projects because i have ZERO completed ones :)

well! slacker blogger that i am decided today would be a good "catch-up" post day. since the last blog post i successfully grouted tile (and it looks amazing, might i add) and my parents helped me lay about 1,000lbs (ok slight exaggeration) of mulch along the front/west side of my house. so! on to the bathroom -- my bathroom is an amazing original demonstration of 1950s tile. oh, and not just any tile ::: light green and big bird yellow tile. the major redeeming quality is that the grout is impeccable and the tile is all in one piece, no broken/cracked pieces. however, the sink, toilet and tub are all original and other than the tub they are in terrible condition. rusty corroded plumbing and disgusting yellow fixtures. voila! the project that followed my grouting success! below are before and afters. i decided it was most financially wise to remove the toilet and install a water-saving toilet and then get a new sink in there with some storage because the bathroom had...

weekend/sunday project time

about two weeks ago there was an arts market where this guy from atlanta had these really amazing carved wood pieces of art. i ended up with a really awesome owl (see below) but once i hung it on my living room wall i realized it needed some company. i started brainstorming (read: pinterest stalking) and i came across a few ideas for mirrors surrounded by wood, which was the general idea i had to start. my initial thought was taking pallets, ripping the wood and making a basic, rustic, unfinished frame. that idea got scrapped when i saw these postings Wood Chevron Mirror and Shim Mirror . when i saw these i knew that i had to do something similar. sooooo -- i fused the ideas together. off to the home improvement store. i bought 15" long cedar shims, minwax stain in jacobean, two 2x4' pressed boards, glass/mirror cutter, paintbrushes, and gloves. i thought originally to use an old mirror on the back of one of my bedroom doors as the mirror, but my mom ar...

I Did Not Cry

I did not cry. For two weeks I did not cry. As I laid there staring at the ultrasound monitor while the doctor kept adjusting the angle of the ultrasound wand, searching, hunting for a heartbeat, I did not cry. When we sat and tried to determine if our dates were “right” or if they could possible be “off” and the doctor spun his pregnancy calculator wheel to see if the measurements had any possibility of being correct, I did not cry. When the financial coordinator started asking about making our hospital copayment and for the first time I had to say that there was a chance the pregnancy was “no good”, I did not cry. Standing in the parking lot, reminding myself how to take a normal breath while my husband carefully looked me over, assessing to see if I was ok to safely drive the 45 minutes home, I did not cry. We waited ten days to find out that no, there was not a heartbeat, and no, the baby is not growing anymore. Still, I did not cry. I matter-of-factly...

by. the. way.

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